Help.

When people hear that a person is going through a difficult time, they often respond with offering to help.  Let me know if you need any help.  Is there anything that I can do?  Just give me a call.  Whether or not they actually mean it, people offer to help.  It is as if saying it is just the right thing to do.

My chemo was scheduled for once every other week.  After I passed and survived the first week, I starting thinking about the next appointment, and the next.  I kept brainstorming.  I tried to figure out how I could do everything I needed to do.  I was an independent person, and accepting help was not something I did on a regular basis.  I liked doing things on my own.  I always had.  If I ever really needed help, I turned to my husband, and we would figure it out together.  Team work.  But, this was different.  Very different.  This situtation was bigger than the two of us.  I realized we could not handle everything on our own.

I could not, logistically, be there for Dylan at every moment during this process.  And that killed me.  I was his mom.  I should be there for him.  Always.  That was kind of the deal that I signed up for.  But this was one time that I was not going to be able to be there for him every second.  There were times when I would have to be away from him, or times I would be out of commission.  I had to fight this cancer so I could be there in his future.

I made a resolution.  When people offered to help, I wouldn’t say “no thanks” or “I’ve got everything under control”.  I made an effort to say, “”Thank you.  I just might take you up on that.”  And, what I realized was that people weren’t just saying they wanted to help.  They really did want to help.  They wanted to be there.  They wanted to help me fight this battle.  They didn’t want me to go through this fight on my own.  They didn’t know how to help.  I didn’t know how to let them help.  But we would figure it out.  I didn’t know much, but I did know that I was not going to be able to do it all on my own.  And, if it meant stepping outside of my comfort zone and accepting help, then that was what I was going to do.